meg.

Test: Thankfully over.

Competition: 9.2. (3rd.)



Otherwise, well, I need to stop thinking, because I need to stop thinking it's nice to have someone in love with you, and sure maybe I'm luckier than my friends who're always in fights with their significant others but at least with fighting you know that person has their own opinions. I'm lucky enough to have what I've got and shouldn't keep finding problems with everything.

It's not even problems with everything, it's just one problem and I have to get over that but sometimes it just – drives me up the wall that I have all the problems and he doesn't have any thoughts on anything most of the time and it's like, what is wrong with me that I have issues with someone who thinks everything I do is perfect? Because he doesn't, I know that, and maybe his problems aren't with me directly but he has to have thoughts besides just everything I want being right. I have problems and I address them, if he has problems I don't know about them –

Just makes me feel like shit, is all.

It's funny how Yom HaShoah always used to be my favorite holiday because we each had to light a candle, and mom couldn't stop me from doing it.



This year I think I'll light four hundred and six.

(In ten minutes.)

(Hey, I've still got twenty-some hours to work out the kinks.)

I swear.

It's just a required one, in part because Jake dared me and in park because.



IT'S ADAR!!!

BE HAPPY!!!


Yes, the exclamation parts are italicized.

(And I'm not drunk, I'm just a little tipsy. I will probably be drunk on Friday. As well as home in Port on Friday.)

I can't really believe that yesterday happened. Or this morning.

And nobody except for Prometheus and Shadow are ever going to even know what I'm talking about.




It wasn't real. None of it was real. Can I just tell myself that? That it was always me and Fintan Conleth, and that's all he ever was?



I'm going insane.

I actually thought for a little while that the Element of Fire was in love with me. What kind of crack are you on, Meg?



(Who was the first one to call me Mars Bar?)

I don't remember who made me do this, I think it was Beth who I told "hey this is going to be really lame, it's me" but she wanted me to do it anyway, and then so did Claire.

And a lot of this was not applicable before August. Thanks, current relationship, for – something. I don't even know, really. And brother dear? You know to just shut up before you say a word.

( purity test )

San Diego essentially blows up and we're stuck here in Michigan.

Hi, I stole my sister's laptop, which was still logged in, just long enough to say that Meg just won Nationals.

I guess she has to have sex now.

dear state government,

Welcome back.

I'm going to Utah in a few days.

Will you still be here when I return?

love,
Meg

I'm calling a do-over on yesterday.

Maybe not all of yesterday, but at least a significant part of it.

I hate Fish, he's convincing. :( And I'm bored.

( survey fine whatever )

Okay, I'm really very good at this, apparently. Keeping track of things, that is. But I spent a couple of days on more dextromethorphan than a Duane Reade, as I think I might've put it – it must've been me, because the others in this building have mostly never actually seen a Duane Reade – but at least now the words that come out of my head make a little sense.

... only a little, because my evening rink slot just ended, and before those couple of hours and my hour off, I'd been skating somewhere else, and before that had work, and school before that, and my blood sugar was funny yesterday –

UH. My point is something about how Mom visited and nobody died (and Hannah was here too, but they didn't bring the dog or my car) even if Jasper and I almost caused a huge mess, and maybe it was my mother's presence or Mara and Jas and Hilary's or their parents or just my own luck or actual practice or, y'know, Dmitry and William, but I did, in fact, get a 9.7 overall on Monday.

That's a gold, in case you weren't paying attention and guessed that the other two female singles might've gotten higher than that overall. It's rare. And there was actually a genuine celebration, if it wasn't really a good one. There was no cake, because of my BSL. Which is still wonky, except less so than it was yesterday, for reasons that shocked Mara into not really being much able to finish whatever it was she was doing. Some school thing.

My words sound lots better when I'm not acting high on everyone's painkillers, apparently.

Mom did get me a surprise, though, which I just found out about like two minutes ago, and it basically went like this –

Phone: *rings*
Meg: Yeah?
Amy: I really hope you're going to be happy about this.
Meg: What?
Amy: What Hannah and I just signed for –
Meg: What.
Amy: Do you still want to go to Lake Placid?
Meg: .... *DROPS PHONE ON FLOOR* *scrambles and picks it up* – what? what did you say what?
Amy: Lake Placid. And no, I don't mean the Lake Placid you were just at. I mean, I do sort of –
Meg: You mean the Lake Placid Olympic Center. The schooling program.
Amy: Yes.
Meg: ... I have to go scream now.

And after I screamed I ran here, and then forgot because I remembered about being high – and so that's the other reason I'm acting ridiculously stupid. Besides the fact I got a 9.7 overall on Monday, besides the fact I'm actually doing well in school, besides other things I don't think I should write down because people will think I'm insane, besides the fact Au Sable doesn't suck as much right now as it usually does, but because I am spending a semester at Lake Placid.

It's sad because I've only been here a few months and I'll miss everyone, but I get to leave in December. Training under NYSOA. With Gilberto Vladana. It's $2,315 for the season and I can't even stay a whole season and Mom will have to relocate temporarily so I'm not living there on my own or just with Dmitry and William because she won't just have me living with two men despite the fact they're, uh, Dmitry and William –

... and then something just exploded and Mara and Hilary are going to blame me for whatever that sound was.

I'll finish screaming later.

I AM NOT INSANE, THANKS.

really, I'm not, just completely delirious, which is all the fault of some stupid fucking fever. and then Fire made me even warmer, and – shit, I shouldn't have written that, and it's the last thing I remember, and, uh.

Today is not my night.

I'm not feeling so very well, if it wasn't clear?

It probably wasn't the best idea to write the first post in this thing while entirely on crack fever, but okay. So I did.




... did any of that actually happen?

I hope I really did take my stupid test.